its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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