so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Watching her eat just hurts me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
