The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i out mim tonsoeep
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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