i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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