i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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