just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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