Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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