Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
