Your tits are I can't wait for
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
