So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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