yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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