Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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