I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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