Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
