Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
