I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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