I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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