Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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