that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
