I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Randomize
