Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize