i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
