I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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