he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sobbing to NWA
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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