It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
