So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize