my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
