I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
