im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Farmville is her only friend.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize