Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
