Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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