Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
