hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I FOUND THE LEGS
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize