he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
