Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
