I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
