In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
