i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
