Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
