Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize