God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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