i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize