no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
