i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
