you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
