Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
