You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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