he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
