He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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