i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
