your parents love me but you hate me
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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