So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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