Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
