the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize