So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
