I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
