If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
