Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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