I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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