i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
