I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
