does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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