He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
