I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
