I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
