you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
