I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
