My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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