I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
