Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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