omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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