there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
