Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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