how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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